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A Final Resting Place For The Loved And Lost

Posted on February 14th, 2013

Somewhere, deep in the more nostalgic regions of my psyche, there is a mausoleum for some of my dear departed friends. It has rooms and hallways and niches lined with shelves to memorialize the loved and lost. But it’s not a particularly mournful or melancholy place–instead it’s kind of wistful, full of sentimental memories and the stuff to launch a million mouth-watering daydreams. Every now and again I spend some time there, reliving good times and soaking in the inspiration of the deceased. It is where I place the food and drink lost from my life. There are a variety of reasons these friends of mine were taken from the world. Some arrived in these culinary catacombs long ago, some quite recently. Some were…

Sugar.

Posted on February 14th, 2013

Sugar. Sweet sweet sugar. I just can’t seem to quit you. Everyone is telling me you aren’t right for me, that you don’t treat me well. My friends say that you don’t love me the way that I love you. But they don’t know how it is when we’re alone together. They don’t know how you comfort me when I’m feeling forlorn in the middle of the day, or how you give me something to look forward to when I am driving home after a long, draining shift at work. They don’t know hard it is to give you up when you are woven into almost every aspect of my life. But, the doctors say you’re the root of my problem, and they’re professionals,…

La Petite Auberge

Posted on February 14th, 2013

Circumstance recently brought me to the drab, cluttered 3rd Avenue stretch just east of Manhattan’s Flatiron / Murray Hill neighborhoods, and my mind immediately conjured the late La Petite Auberge. It was my favorite French restaurant for its last couple of years of existence, though my sporadic patronage – the meals were neither healthy nor cheap – obviously failed to save it from demise about a year and a half ago. The restaurant occupied an unlikely location on a street corner surrounded by a mix of Indian eateries, Middle Eastern dives, and various mediocre holes-in-the-wall catering to college students. It was easy to miss from the street, but once inside, you knew this was a magnificent dinosaur. La Petite Auberge (French for “The Little…

The 3 Musketeers’ Lament: A Failed Love Triangle

Posted on February 14th, 2013

Lover One: 100 Grand?   Lover Two: No. Thanks, I have a Snickers. But, I miss Skittles, I want to Taste The Rainbow. Peeps give me Hershey’s Kisses and Tootsie Rolls and all the Good and Plenty I ask for. Sugar Daddys galore. We cruise ’round the Milky Way.   Lover Three:  You want to go for an Almond Joy ride?   Lover Two: Yes, thank you. Now, I want some Swedish Fish Mafia…my BBBBBaby Ruth back, my Bbbbbaby Ruth back? HAAHAHHA.   Lover One: WhatChaMaCallIt?   Lover Three: Bbbbbbbaby Ruth back, Bbbbbbbaby Ruth back, can I bbbbbbbuild you a Gingerbbbbbread House? ..You know, out of MMMMMM&MMMMMM’s?   Lover Two : I do, I do! But, how ‘bout a fffffffffriggin’ PAYDAY…. Mr. Bigglesworth!   Lover…

It’s Not You, It’s Me or Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Posted on February 14th, 2013

Sometimes the reason you can no longer enjoy something is not because it is no longer available to you, or that it has changed in any way, but simply because you no longer enjoy it. Sometimes it’s true: it’s not you it’s me. So it is with me and soft-serve dip. I have many great memories of enjoying a soft-serve ice cream cone with a quick-hardened shell. As a child my family would take me to an ice-cream stand specializing in dip, with more flavors than I have ever seen offered anywhere else. It was a long-standing tradition–if memory serves me correctly, my grandmother had gone there as a child. We would go in the dead heat of summer when I couldn’t eat my…

Rax Redux

Posted on February 14th, 2013

Goodbye, Uncle Al. You attended all of my first six birthday parties, and we had a blast. I thought you’d never pass away until the end of things, some Jesus of the roast beef restaurant. But you left, and it hurt. Well, I swear I never loved you anyway–good riddance, you old damn reptile. I used the water bottle you gave me all the way into middle school. It sweated mercilessly on hot days, one more awkward accoutrement to prevent me from feeling comfortable in gym class. There were the double-layered nylon shorts (I still don’t know if they ever did fit), the deodorant from Big Lots–Jovan White Musk for Men, and your stupid, oversized “Rax” water bottle. “Rax,” Uncle Al? Really? What kind…

Many Ingenious Lovely Things

Posted on February 14th, 2013

One of the saddest things about the end of the world—and I’m not being nearly as sarcastic as you think I am—is that one by one, every manufactured food product you used to love will cease to exist. Forever. I’m not talking about the eventual extinction of all things good and wholesome: a fell blight on kale, cutworms leveling the last tomato. An ecological catastrophe on this scale would flush us out with the rest of the bathwater. Mercifully. Because really, who wants to go living in a world without comforting brand-name garbage? Just months ago, nightmare fiction turned horribly real as the final Twinkies vanished from gas stations nationwide. It left me scarred. (You too?) An illusion of permanence, shattered. I didn’t even…

Mi Amore

Posted on February 14th, 2013

I had big soup plans. Feeling very grown up at 19, in my own apartment in the city with a brand new crock pot, I was going to make my mom’s vegetable soup. This was the kind of dish that carried a family legacy. My mom would make it every Monday throughout the long New England winters I grew up in. It would slow cook all day, simmering until the house was a humid bouillon sauna that each family member arrived home to, stomping the snow off our boots and unwrapping scarves to breathe in the moist, salty air. If you weren’t hungry yet – which after school, yearbook, flute lessons, and (in my dad’s case) construction work that was often unheated or simply…

Gone, Fishing.

Posted on February 14th, 2013

A storm has started outside. The air is growing white as the breath of it picks up speed. The space heater by my feet churns in a loud hum. Two birds cut the sky through the window, here in this yolk-yellow aerie above Haywood Street. It is my job, for this year, to keep this gambrel-roofed house in one piece. Somewhere south and west, in a winter-dark river, is an eel weir. It is at least a century old. The wind is pushing billows past the glass, long plumes of cold. On a map of the current weather, I can see that my hill town and that other river sit roughly in the same deep purple band of snow. I wonder about the work…

Wild Goose Chase, Resolved.

Posted on January 21st, 2013

It does not have to be good You do not have to wok a hundred chiles Through immolation on your knees, weeping. You have only to let the soft loaf of your body eat what it eats. Tell me how you prepare, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the dinner goes on. Meanwhile Fieri and the clogged icons of the airways are chewing across the landscapes over the squeeze bottles and the deep freeze the pizzas and the poppers. Meanwhile the Achatz, high in the Alinead air is making foams again. Whoever you are, no matter how lowly, the farm offers itself to your imagination, fat with wild beets, fibrous and exciting– over and over announcing your place in the plating of…