A Literary Feast

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Da White Pint: A Ghost Story

Posted on October 22nd, 2012

Through a series of accidents, most of them intentional, I once found myself alone on a sparsely populated island a little ways north of the 60th parallel. I had survived for a month on other people’s muesli, withered green peppers, and an occasional bean-and-macaroni pie, but I was none the worse for it. The almost interminable daylight filled me with a bustling chemical energy that made food seem irrelevant. And drink—drink felt like a thing intended for another species. Giddy from the subarctic summer, my brain was drunk almost constantly on salt and latitude. For a month almost nothing stronger than well water touched my tongue. A dram of whisky once at a school regatta. A perplexing glass of sake at an equally perplexing…

Lovely Day for A Guinness

Posted on October 22nd, 2012

You never forget your first Guinness. How can you? Brown so deep it might be red, like looking into a bottomless pond where you worry about what’s swimming beneath your toes. A head of foam, thick and perfect as an ice cream float, that you puzzle over at first, wondering if you need to scoop it off with a spoon in order to reach the drink underneath. A true Guinness pint glass has the curve of a woman’s hips, and you hold it, cool and solid in your hands, and you think, “Now this, my friends, this is a real beer.” And you are afraid.   I drank my first Guinness in the most appropriate way possible: seated in a seedy pub on the…

‘Lite’ Protection

Posted on October 22nd, 2012

If you drink enough beer, things that didn’t seem appealing in the starkly sober light of day, things that didn’t interest you in the least, start to become the focus of your inebriated obsessions. Things like hot pockets, toothpaste brands, the names of your kindergarten teacher’s twin sons. Things like pollen build-up along the curbs in the parking lot. Things like Mace. When I was twenty one I lived in an ‘undesirable’ neighborhood. The kind of neighborhood where you could peek out your front window to see drug deals and old ladies smashing windshields to powder with a purse full of bricks. My roommate at the time was an oft-deployed infantryman who was extremely invested in the armed forces lifestyle. I would come home…

Terms of Enbeerment: Towards A Lexicon of Beery Sayings

Posted on October 22nd, 2012

Gentle reader: Herein find a selection of beer-wit happily recalled over the course of a long week end when the author’s wife was out of town. I present them here in an order which reflects the same discipline that guided my choice of beers to sample between the years 1978 and 1982. I make no claims as to their origins, just that I know I heard them someplace. Clear as beer piss: self-evident; abundantly clear, metaphorically referring to the near lack of color in urine produced after drinking more than a six pack. Beer Goggles: metaphorical; relating to changes in judgment concerning physical beauty and sexual attraction of potential human bed partners resulting from the ingestion of mass quantities of beer. As in: “Zounds,…

The Most Powerful Hour

Posted on October 22nd, 2012

I guess I can’t remember exactly how it all started. I’m pretty sure one of us suggested it as a joke, probably on some hot, bored Los Angeles day. (There were a lot of those, in our early twenties.) Someone joked about it and we laughed, but at some point we must have stopped laughing. Because someone eventually went out to buy the beer, and someone else collected the shot glasses from the kitchen.   There are four of us, at the core – me, my husband, and our best couple of friends – plus other members of one of our groups of friends from college (a group of people all somehow connected to our alma mater’s elite choral group, either directly or through…

Pumpkin King: Searching For the Perfect Fall Brew

Posted on October 22nd, 2012

My least favorite thing about the passing of yet another pizza oven summer is all the people who, regardless of how little they know you, will immediately volunteer how upset they are over the coming rains and trench coat weather. Apparently, the secret to happiness is a wardrobe of shorts, the incessant simultaneous hum and dripping of thousands of air conditioners, and the (imagined) benefits of spending the day roasting in Coney Island. It takes all of me not to say, if that’s your idea of a good life, why don’t you move to Florida? We have seasons here and we like it that way.   My favorite things? I’ll spare you the poetic praise of autumn chill, foliage and sweaters and get right…

Pamela Puts Her Nose In: Three Beers For The Autumnal Imbiber

Posted on October 22nd, 2012

Oh, dear reader, October is a fickle mistress.  Bright and blowing one minute, and verily the next minute, yielding a note from one’s local refuse disposal company instructing one to ‘try keeping your cardboard out of the rain’ because then it will invariably a) weigh less and b) not smell like a thousand compressed jock straps laden with kimchi.  But, I digress.  As the weather begins to pull fewer punches, we advocate pulling more pints.  Here are three of our favorites from the World’s Almost But Not Quite End Kitchen and Bar, here on the shores of Lake Bedswette.   Monkey’s Uncle IPA:  Did you know that monkeys are fond of consuming their own ejaculate?  Neither did we!  But, the brewmaster of Morosely Moroccan…