The second thing I need to make clear is going to unfortunately de-glamorize anything you have previously thought about touring with rock bands. What I’m going to tell you will shock and horrify you. I encourage the faint hearted to stop reading right here and go on Youtube instead and watch videos of kittens doing cute things.

Ok, everyone here who thinks they can handle the truth? Here it is: You can’t poop on the bus.

There’s no pooping allowed on a tour bus. You can pee. You cannot poo. It’s 2011 and they can’t develop a bathroom on a moving automobile that can handle poo. Planes? Sure. Trains? Absolutely. Boats? Yup. Greyhound bus? Sure, probably, I dunno. I usually don’t bother. The tour bus is where you live, eat, drink, sleep, laugh and cry for the entire duration of your tour, but you mustn’t ever poop.

There’s lore about this phenomenon. There are stories of people who have pooped on the bus, and the retribution from the bus driver and bus company was beyond a wrath you could possibly imagine. So, yeah, no pooping on the bus.

Again. Why am I telling you this on a food website? Food goes somewhere after you swallow. As fun as it is to be on tour and eat super fun new things, you have to consider the ramifications. This sheds light on the whole angle of extreme eating. This little hard truth is often in the back in your mind every time someone says “Let’s go to a Indian fusion Mexican sushi restaurant in Glasgow, Scotland.” You have to consider where you will be in 24 hours, or if things go badly, six.