A Literary Feast

I Expect You To Diet, Mr. Bond: For Your Eyes Only

Posted on May 11th, 2011

Dear Diary,

Moneypenny’s been kind enough to allow me to keep this document in that strange pop-up vanity of hers (I’m fairly certain that she thinks I’m not aware of it, however, where is a gentleman to turn when he’s in need of fresh pancake, if not his secretary’s makeup drawer? I ask you). M has demanded that I keep a food diary for Staff Health Initiative Two. Bother. I tried to interest him in my black book instead, but, he muttered something about sciatica and turned to his bank of multi-colored phones for comfort.

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Ask Rennie, Vol. 5: The Brillat Bridesmaid’s Tale

Posted on May 9th, 2011

Dear Rennie,

As wedding season rapidly approaches, I find myself performing as a bridesmaid at no fewer than five events this summer. I have no desire to have my Aunt Lorna point out, again, that whole ‘always a bridesmaid’ business because frankly, I’d rather be sampling the delights of the field than allying myself with one single bull, as it were. So. If I’m doing the seating chart, how can I arrange things to suit my needs? Isn’t there some sort of hierarchy I could rely on to sort the swains? I’m sick of jordan almonds. I’m ready for filet.

Yours truly,

Bridesmaid In Northern Grand Oaks

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Thank You, Bobby Greenfield: A Love Affair With Carrot Cake

Posted on May 2nd, 2011

Nuts of all varieties. Raisins. Butter-cream frosting in the shape of carrots or bunny rabbits. Butter-cream frosting in general. Too much sugar, too few carrots. Layers. Cream fillings. White cake. These are all things that have no place in carrot cake. And I should know, because I can say with a confidence I reserve only for food that is tears-in-my-eyes, clutch-my-heart, knee-shakingly good, that I am in possession of the world’s most perfect carrot cake recipe.

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The Portlandbury Tales: The Frontman’s Tale (lines 1-135)

Posted on April 30th, 2011

The madness continues, with the first part of the Knight’s Tale, here retold as the Frontman’s Tale–wherein saving noble maidens from injustice is transformed into the equally heroic act of saving a fellow band from ales of dubious quality. (Ed: The sticker offer, for those interested, is still good–send your mailing address to ‘[email protected]’ upon completion of any of these sections, and receive a limited edition sticker, from our hot little hands to yours!)

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