COVID-19 Shelter-in-place food insults

Gleaned from Facebook comment threads of my friends:

  • A listless can of water chestnuts (credit: Hillary Hoffman)
  • One forgotten smoked duck
  • Bakery pizza
  • A desperate recipe for kale pesto
  • A “timeless” lone packet of instant oatmeal
  • A Google search for recipes involving potato flakes
  • Exploded can of store-bought tomato paste
  • A Hershey bar left over from smores last summer
  • They’ve “…been sprouting more faithfully these days.”
  • A bag of carob chips
  • An aforementioned coconut
  • Freezer burned seafood
  • Old box of Special K
  • What you thought were dried currants
  • Farmers market fatback from 2007
  • A solitary half of red onion
  • A whim of gluten-free pancake bricks
  • First-time baking bread
  • A chided kubota
  • A chest-freezer bottom medley
  • A quantity of discarded curd
  • A recently expired slice of ham
  • The green part of leeks that she put in the compost to spite you
  • A dried up Stovetop pasta water dribble
  • 5 months of quinoa to the wind
  • A cashier’s hourly wage
  • …more piqued than a food bank’s funding right now