COVID-19 Shelter-in-place food insults Gleaned from Facebook comment threads of my friends: A listless can of water chestnuts (credit: Hillary Hoffman) One forgotten smoked duck Bakery pizza A desperate recipe for kale pesto A “timeless” lone packet of instant oatmeal A Google search for recipes involving potato flakes Exploded can of store-bought tomato paste A Hershey bar left over from smores last summer They’ve “…been sprouting more faithfully these days.” A bag of carob chips An aforementioned coconut Freezer burned seafood Old box of Special K What you thought were dried currants Farmers market fatback from 2007 A solitary half of red onion A whim of gluten-free pancake bricks First-time baking bread A chided kubota A chest-freezer bottom medley A quantity of discarded curd…